Musical Interlude
by NettieC
Summary: Set after Lifeline... this is how the show should have gone  in my humble opinion of course.  In this version they get help from Trisha Yearwood and her beautiful songs.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing – not the characters or the songs…I'm just playing with them. This story is set after Lifeline…when we left **__**our favourite duo they were standing in front of the Admiral touching hands as Mac and Mic were about to cut the cake.**_

_**This is a 3 part song fic I thought I'd start now – due to a few requests….**_

_**This story, in its entirety, is for Peggy…some days are diamonds and some days need some help…hope this helps.**_

---------------------------------------------------JAG-----------------------------------------------------

Harm sat in his darkened apartment frustrated and lonely. He had spent the night reluctantly celebrating the engagement of his best friend and his deepest regret was that she was marrying Brumby. Well, not quite, he reminded himself, it was that she wasn't marrying him.

"Harm, are you coming to bed?" It was Renee calling from the other room.

"Yeah, in a minute, Honey," he replied. He felt badly about the situation with Renee, she loved him and he knew he liked her, but love, well, that was another thing entirely.

He wandered into the bedroom reluctantly and slipped into bed, thinking all the while about Mac and what she would be doing. He quickly tried to get the images out of his head; she wasn't with him, that's all he needed to know. Renee leaned over and kissed him. She wanted to take it further but Harm feigned exhaustion and closed his eyes. He would need to be honest with Renee, he shouldn't lead her on.

When Harm awoke from a restless sleep he realised it was a little before 0500. Renee was sound asleep and he took the opportunity to slide out of the bed and don his running gear. He took to the pavement and started running. The streetlights lit his way and with very little traffic to contend with his mind drifted.

As Mac's words about them being too good at saying goodbye echoed through his brain he began running faster and faster. Harm knew the words were true, whenever their relationship showed signs of moving beyond friendship one of them said goodbye. Sometimes through chance and sometimes through circumstance but it was goodbye nonetheless.

It was a car horn which brought him back to reality, he had been running for nearly an hour and he looked around confused, trying to determine where he was. He was surprised to find he was standing in front of Crown Café, a place where he and Mac had often frequented when they had collaborated on cases. It was a convenient place located only ten minutes from her apartment. He had been running to Mac and hadn't realised it.

Every fibre of his being urged him to run the extra ten minutes to her door and had this been any other morning he would have. But this was the morning after her engagement and it certainly was not appropriate, although, truth be told, neither was the kiss they had shared on the Admiral's porch last night.

He took in a few deep breaths and took one last look around, the sky was beginning to lighten and he could see a few more joggers on the streets. He shook his head in an effort to clear his mind before his run home, it wasn't much help.

With every step he took images of Mac came to him. He could see the smile that could make him melt, he could feel her tender kiss on his lips, and he could see that look on her face the one which was reserved just for him, the look that meant he was special. _How could you be such a fool?_ He admonished himself.

If he had any gumption he would have taken the risk and told Mac he wanted her when they were on board the ferry in Sydney Harbour. She had made her intentions clear but he had backed away.

"You idiot," he yelled at himself.

As a result, he had pushed her further into Mic's arms and that was the last thing had he wanted to do. Harm disliked Mic intensely and it went beyond his involvement with Mac, at least that's what Harm believed. Mic was the one person who pushed his buttons, who stood up to him and made him realise he couldn't have everything his own way – he couldn't have Mac.

Harm preferred to blame Mic for his own failures. In his heart he knew it was not Mic stopping a relationship between him and Mac, it was himself. He knew if he had the guts to go to Mac and tell her he loved her she would leave Mic. He knew she was with Mic because she wanted to be loved by someone not because she necessarily loved him. He knew the current circumstances were due to his inability to make a commitment, to take a chance. Despite all this knowledge he still blamed Mic - it was much easier.

He arrived back at his apartment saturated in sweat and physically and emotionally exhausted. His body felt the full effects of a two hour run but it was his heart which was under enormous strain. Decisions would have to be made. "No" he corrected himself; he didn't need to decide anything. Everything had become crystal clear on his run. What he needed was to be a man and act on them. With this thought ringing in his ears he opened the apartment door and saw Renee, fully dressed, sitting on the sofa, she had been crying. _Terrific, just what I need,"_he thought to himself.

"Renee, what is it?" he asked mustering some level of concern in his voice.

"I woke up and you were gone…" she began.

"I went for a run," he interrupted but she just talked over him.

"So I just lay there thinking of the step Mac and Mic were taking and it dawned on me that we aren't walking in that direction at all, are we?" Renee looked at Harm who was struggling to find the words.

It was at this time, when Renee's insecurities came to the fore, usually about Mac, he would placate her and reassure her but he couldn't do it this time.

"Renee, I…" he didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound harsh and uncaring.

"I turned your stereo on. I didn't know you were a Trisha Yearwood fan," she said as she walked to the stereo.

"Yeah, I met her once. I thought she was pretty good," Harm replied, wondering where this was going.

"Harm, there's so much I want to say to you, to try and figure out but when I heard this song it said it all. I just ask that you listen to it carefully and make an honest decision." She hit play and walked to the door. "I love you." Were her last words as the door closed and the music begun. Harm sank down into the armchair and listened as Trisha's voice filled the room

**LOVE ME OR LEAVE ME ALONE **

I think you do, then I think you don't

Maybe you will, maybe then you won't

Don't understand, baby, why you can't

Just call it quits if you can't commit

I know what I want, I know how I feel

But I don't want your love if it ain't real, no

I think it's time you made up your mind

Baby, what's your plan? I need to understand it

(Chorus 1:)

Are you gonna love me or leave me?

Don't say that you need me

Not if you really want to let me go

You don't know how much it hurts me

Show me some mercy

Baby, just love me or leave me alone

You needed time, so I gave you that

To figure out where your heart is at

What do you say? Do you go or stay?

Is it no or yes? I shouldn't have to guess if...

(Chorus 2:)

You're gonna love me or leave me

Don't say that you need me

Not if you really want to let me go

You don't know how much it hurts me

Show me some mercy

Baby, just love me or leave me alone

Harm sat forward and held his head in his hands. How could he have done this to Renee? He cared about her, he liked the fact he had someone who cared about him, that he was loved and yet he had known all along he wasn't in love with her. He thought this was something he could overcome, he had been wrong. He knew, for Renee's sake, he would have to leave her alone. She was a good woman who deserved better than he had given her. There were things she did which drove him crazy but she had always been honest, something he had not extended to her. He thought he had protected Renee from being hurt but if this song reflected her true feelings then he had failed miserably.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing – not the characters or the songs…I'm just playing with them. This story is set after Lifeline…when we left **__**our favourite duo they were standing in front of the Admiral touching hands as Mac and Mic were about to cut the cake.**_

_**This is a 3 part song fic I thought I'd start now – due to a few requests….**_

_**This story, in its entirety, is for Peggy…some days are diamonds and some days need some help…hope this helps.**_

---------------------------------------------------JAG-----------------------------------------------------

Harm contemplated his situation all day and it was after dinner when, with a trembling hand, he knocked on Renee's front door. His heart urged him to phone her but he knew he had to do this face to face, to tell her it was over. By the look on Renee's face when she opened the door she knew what was coming. Harm desperately wanted the words to come from Renee, for her to end it, but she wasn't going to let him off so easily.

"Have you come to a decision?" she asked without inviting him in.

"Yes, I have," he answered slowly before looking to the floor.

"Well, come in then." She stepped aside and he entered reluctantly. Harm wanted this to be about the end of their relationship, he didn't want to face questions or innuendo about Mac.

"Renee, I'm so sorry it has come to this," he began. "I never meant to hurt you, I really didn't. I guess we are just after two different things. I care so much about you and I want you to be happy and to have everything you desire but if I was to be really honest I don't think you can find that with me. There are just too many obstacles in the way and I don't want us to go on just for the sake of going on.

Renee turned to look out the window and the darkness outside and the light from the apartment allowed Harm to see her reflection. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she was making no effort to conceal them or to brush them away. Harm moved towards her and raised his hand to her shoulder. She could see his impending action and moved.

"Don't touch me," she said in a voice that was very controlled.

"Renee, I…" he began but she had heard enough.

"Harm, I asked you to make up your mind and you have made your decision clear. All I ask is you leave me alone. Our relationship is over, we are over." She opened the front door and Harm moved towards it. This had not been the response he had expected. He had been expecting a raging argument, recriminations, harsh words, but she had accepted it all very well.

Harm turned in the doorway to face her. After so long he thought he owed her something, some words. Just as he went to speak she did. "Harm, will you tell me one thing, honestly?"

"If I can," he replied cautiously.

"Were you ever really in love with me – the way you are with Mac?" Harm swallowed hard, she had asked for honesty but he knew it would be brutal and he didn't know if she could take it.

"Renee, I did love you," he began and then drew a long breath. His words and his actions were enough to provide the answer she was seeking. He had never said he was in love with her, perhaps he had never been. Renee didn't need to hear anymore. She closed the door on him, their relationship over.

Harm returned to his apartment saddened at the events of the evening, even if somewhat relieved it was all over. He had cared for Renee but he knew his desire to be with her was due in large to Mac having Mic, it had been a true case of if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and hit play on the stereo, Trisha Yearwood's voice filled the apartment. The last song had ended his relationship with Renee, this one sent his all his thoughts back to Mac.

**How Do I Live **

How do I

Get through one night without you

If I had to live without you

What kind of life would that be?

Oh I, I need you in my arms

Need you to hold

Your my world my heart my soul

If you ever leave

Baby you would take away everything good in my life.

Without you

There'd be no sun in my sky

There would be no love in my life

There would be no world left for me

And I

Baby I don't know what I would do

I'd be lost if I lost you

If you ever leave

Baby you would take away everything real in my life

And tell me now

How do I live without you

I want to know

How do I breathe without you

If you ever go

How do I ever, ever survive?

How do I

How do I

Oh how do I live?...

If you ever leave

Baby you would take away everything

Need you with me

Baby cuz you know you're everything good in my life

And tell me now

How do I live without you

I want to know

How do I breathe without you

If you ever go

How do I ever, ever survive?

How do I

How do I

Oh how do I live

How do I live without you

How do I live without you baby...

How do I live...

Harm picked up his photo album from the shelf and sat in the armchair. He randomly opened to a page midway through the album and the first face he saw staring up at him was Mac's. It had been taken at the christening and Mac was holding baby AJ's. He was asleep and Mac was smiling beautifully at the camera. She seemed truly happy. He ran his finger across the photo as the lyrics filled the room. He knew without Sarah MacKenzie in his life there was nothing for him. He knew she was the reason he was the man he was. She was the reason he wanted to go to work each day. She was the first person he thought of in the morning and the last one he thought of at night. When something good happened, she was the first person he wanted to share it with and when he was down it was her he longed to see.

Harm sat at a loss for what to do next. He desperately wanted to run to Mac and declare his love for her but he knew it wasn't fair to either Mac or to Mic. He had sorted out his relationship and Mac had to do the same. He would need to give her time and space and to allow her to make the decision based on what she really wanted – he prayed it was him.

He was startled by the ringing of his phone, he grabbed the receiver.

"Rabb," he said.

"Rabb, Chegwidden here," came the Admiral's voice.

"Evening sir, what can I do for you?" Harm asked.

"I know it's late Commander but I need you to go out to the Ulysses first thing to investigate an Ensign Neil Appleton and alleged gambling. We need to get in top of this ASAP," the Admiral informed him.

"Aye Sir. Why the urgency? asked Harm.

"The Ensign is the grandson of Admiral Alan Ingalls. The SecNav wants to get on top of this before the media does," he reported.

"What was he supposedly gambling on?" Harm asked.

"Everything from college basketball scores to horse racing. Now, it will be a 0745 helo for you and MacKenzie…" the Admiral began.

"Have you spoken to the Colonel yet, sir? Harm asked. He really didn't want to be in confined quarters with Mac, not just yet anyway.

"No, Commander, she was my next call. Is there a problem?" he asked.

"I just thought Bud would be a better option. Mac just got engaged and this could last a few days, she …"

"Am I hearing right, Commander?" the Admiral asked. "You'd rather the Colonel spend time with Brumby than with you."

"I just thought it was the right thing to do," Harm admitted.

"Okay Rabb, your call. Roberts it is."

Harm checked his kitbag and organised his toiletries. It was nearing midnight when he crawled into bed. He lay there thinking of Mac and an involuntary smiled drifted across his face. He closed his eyes and remembered the kiss on the porch not much more than 24 hours ago. He could feel the soft touch of her lips on his, he could taste the sweetness. It was in this state of bliss he drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing – not the characters or the songs…I'm just playing with them. This story is set after Lifeline…when we left**__**our favourite duo they were standing in front of the Admiral touching hands as Mac and Mic were about to cut the cake.**_

_**This is a 3 part song fic I thought I'd start now – due to a few requests….**_

_**This story, in its entirety, is for Peggy…some days are diamonds and some days need some help…hope this helps.**_

---------------------------------------------------JAG-----------------------------------------------------

The Following Friday

The investigation had taken longer than anticipated and it was Friday afternoon before Harm and Bud had returned to JAG Headquarters. Harm instantly scanned the office for Mac as he made his way through to the Admiral's office but it was to no avail. After he and Bud had made their reports to the Admiral they were dismissed early for the weekend. Harm ran a few errands and made his way home.

As he turned his key in the door it fell open and Harm quietly put the grocery bags down and grabbed the baseball bat he kept in the umbrella stand. He pushed the door opened a little further and looked into the apartment. The lights were on and the stereo was playing. He stepped inside and moved towards the kitchen, Mac stood up from the cupboards below the bench top with the bowl she had been searching for. She was as startled to see Harm and the bat as he was to see her.

"Harm," she called, "it's just me. It's okay."

Harm put the bat down. "What are you doing here?"

"I hope you don't mind. I knew you were back today and I had to talk to you," Mac said brightly.

"No, it's okay. You just startled me. What's up?" Harm wasn't sure how to read the situation.

"I was looking for a bowl. I was going to make you dinner but it looks like you already have that covered." Mac looked at the bags Harm had retrieved from the front door.

Harm went with Mac's idea for dinner which was vegetarian lasagne and salad. He put his groceries away as she applied the final touches to the salad. She seemed quite happy and bubbly, more so than she had been in such a long time. He wanted to ask so many questions but he contained himself to the usual polite conversation of daily chit chat and trivial matters. After dinner was finished and the dishes cleared they sat on the sofa and for the first time that night Mac fell unusually quiet.

Harm reached out and touched her hands.

"Mac, what is this about?" he asked gently.

"You…me," she said quietly without looking at him.

"Want to be more specific?" he asked, searching her face for the answers.

"I know you and Renee have split and …" she began.

"How? How did you find out?" he interrupted.

"Renee came by the office on Tuesday with some of your things. I saw her in your office and I went in to see if she needed any help. She seemed unaware that you were away on investigation, I asked her if there was anything I could do and she said that she thought I had already done enough. I asked her what she meant but she handed me that box," Mac said nodding to the archive box sitting below the coffee table. "She said I could give it back to you as you two had parted ways and it was my fault."

Harm shook his head. He thought he'd made it clear to Renee that this had been about the end of their relationship not Mac. Obviously she hadn't bought his line. He stood to move away but Mac grabbed his hand and encouraged him to sit back beside her.

"It wasn't your fault, truly it wasn't," he said without making eye contact.

Mac draped an arm across his shoulders. "Are you sure?" she whispered.

Harm looked at her in surprise; it wasn't the response he was expecting. "What? I…Um…" He was confused. He didn't know how to answer her without admitting his true feelings.

"Harm, look at me," Mac said, using her free hand to draw his face around.

"After all we said and did at the engagement party last weekend are you sure it wasn't my fault?" she asked again.

Harm stared at her for a long time and battled the waves of emotions filling him. He closed his eyes, prayed he was doing the right thing and explained everything to her.

Mac listened intently and silently as Harm revealed his innermost thoughts and feelings about Renee, their time together and their break up. How Renee had played the song Love Me or Leave Me Alone and how Harm had decided it was best for both of them if he left her alone because he never truly loved her. He began to explain how he had heard How Do I Live before Mac interrupted.

"I know that song, Trisha Yearwood's great. Anyway, you're wondering if you did the right thing. Can you live without her?" Mac asked.

"No, it's more a question as to whether I can I live without you?" he said with half a smile.

"And which way are you leaning?" she asked staring intently at him.

"I'm thinking no," he said returning her gaze. "But…"

"There's always a 'but'," Mac sighed.

"But I…I…don't want to be the reason you and Mic don't work out. I know it seems like a strange thing to say given my dislike of the guy and my actions with his fiancée at his engagement party but I don't want to be the other man."

"You can't be." She saw the puzzled expression on his face and continued to explain. "Mic and I had dinner Tuesday and I told him of Renee's visit and he got angry and we had a huge argument there in the restaurant."

"What was he so angry over?" asked Harm.

"The fact you are available and would be coming after me," Mac said quietly.

"But I didn't, I took the assignment and even made sure the Admiral …" his voice trailed off.

"The Admiral what?" she asked.

"The Admiral was going to send both of us but given the circumstances I didn't think it would be too wise so I asked for Bud," Harm admitted.

"Did you tell him why?" Mac asked.

"Only that you were newly engaged and could probably spend your time in better ways. I'm sure the Admiral thought I was crazy doing something decent for Mic but I couldn't face the possibility of working so closely with you, so soon after the party," he said, dropping his gaze.

"Wow!" Mac said.

"Wow? Is that all?" Harm asked quietly.

"Well, I guess you should know Mic and I also broke up. He kept going on and on about you and eventually I told him the truth," Mac said, watching his reaction.

"The truth?" Harm echoed.

"I loved him but wasn't in love with him. That while what we had was good it wasn't the happily ever after I wanted. He asked me if it was you I wanted and I said I thought so. After that there was nothing left to say," Mac said sadly.

Harm reached up and brushed the tear trickling down her cheek. He had not anticipated the outcome of this evening as he had made his way home.

"Well, this week has been full of surprises, hasn't it?" he smiled.

"It has," Mac nodded.

"Trisha Yearwood has a lot to answer for," he laughed trying to break the tension which was steadily rising.

"I guess there's one more song she contribute to the mix," Mac said.

"Which one?" Harm asked moving to the stereo. "I've got her latest CD here."

"In that case, it's track 7," Mac said.

Harm hit the button repeatedly to cue the song and then hit play. He sat back down beside her and waited for the next musical interlude in his life. The bright voice of Trisha Yearwood began to fill the room.

**Thinkin' about You **

I'm not quite sure what's goin' on

But all day through and all night long

I've been thinkin' about you

I've been thinkin' about you

The look in your eyes when you smile that way

The sound of your voice sayin' my name

I've been thinkin' about you

Just keep thinkin' about you

This single-minded fascination I've got

Do you call it love?

If you don't, then what?

All I know is I don't know what you've done

And this train of thought

Ain't about to jump the track that it's on

In the back of my mind, there's a secret place

But the whole world knows by the smile on my face

That I've been thinkin' about you

Can't stop thinkin' about you

This single-minded fascination I've got

Do you call it love?

Well, if you don't, then what?

All I know is I don't know what you've done

And this train of thought

Ain't about to jump the track that it's on

I know it's crazy callin' you this late

When the only thing I wanted to say

Is I've been thinkin' about you

Yeah, just keep thinkin' about you

Oh, I can't stop thinkin' about you

Oh, oh, I'm always thinkin' about you

And I do love thinkin' about you

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Throughout the song they stared at each other, Mac reached out to hold his hand and he took it, gently rubbing his thumb along the back of her hand. When the last strains of the song had ended Mac moved forward and whispered "Do you call it love?"

"Yeah, I do. Do you?" he asked.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Mac kissed him gently between each "yeah". Harm raised his hands to cup her face but Mac continued to move forward and pushed him back onto the sofa. Still holding her face, Harm pulled Mac onto him. She kissed him again, longer and more passionately than he thought possible.

When finally she drew back she saw the smile on his mouth and in his eyes she knew was just for her. It was the one which drove her crazy. Harm pulled her back to him.

"I love you, Sarah," he whispered.

"I love you too, Harmon."

And Trisha Yearwood's voice continued to fill the room with music and melody.


End file.
